So yesterday was Drew’s one year anniversary of his death. Over the last five or six years so many people who I truly and deeply cared about have died that I almost have become numb to the reality that they are not here anymore. I don’t know how to deal with death anymore besides trying to grieve and then let it go… Sometimes I wonder if it makes me a bad or cold person because I just can’t cry about it much. Or at least after a certain point I can’t. Maybe it is just my way of dealing …
With Drew, I cried for a while and then it was done. I can’t do it anymore. I can’t let myself cry and cry every year they are gone because if I do how will I ever deal with it? I remember sitting for hours at a time with Drew and Jo Jo at Starring just chilling, smoking cigarettes, listening to music, and drinking. We used to go on adventures in the woods and see what crazy creatures we could find. My favorite memory of Drew was one day we decided to go on a nature walk. Ha, I remember turning around and watching him dance around in all the leaves with tree branches in hand like he was the God of the forest. I joined in and we danced until we couldn’t anymore. That is how I remember Drew. I remember his incredible spirit and how he lit up a place when he was around.
The kid had so much energy I felt like every time I was around him, no matter what mood I was in, I was automatically recharged just from all his energy. I miss him a lot. We had drifted apart after high school since I moved to Europe and he was still back home but nevertheless, our time we spent in high school was life changing and I am thankful and blessed to have been friends with such a great person.
For all the people I have lost, it never gets easier as the years pass, but somehow, I guess it becomes okay. I can be okay with having known them and understanding they are now gone. To everyone I’ve lost over the years, thank you. Thank you for making me stronger and thank you for having been in my life at one point.